Episode 130: "I'll Chew on a Dog"

From How Was Your Wiki
Jump to: navigation, search


30 August 2013


Beau Willimon

Origin of the episode title[edit]

I'll chew on a dog refers to a lyric in a song sung by Beetlejuice in the film Beetlejuice. In this episode Julie reveals that she would have sex with Michael Keaton in his Beetlejuice makeup.

YouTube Beetlejuice Advert


GRUMPY CAT MET LIL' BUB AND EVERYTHING IS MADE OUT OF CHAOS! Hi there. This week's show was recorded in Minneapolis, site of the Internet Cat Video Film Festival and also the State Fair. The good news? Julie has "takes" on both!

The one and only guest on the new HWYW is BEAU WILLIMON, the creator and writer of the Netflix version of HOUSE OF CARDS. He is wonderful, and you will agree. Listen to him tell us about his intentions going into the adaptation of the show, how that Howard Dean scream exploded during pre-meme times, which of Kevin Spacey's to-camera asides ended up on the cutting room floor, and how little he and David Fincher care about unlikeability. We also learn that Beau has a cat named Norbert.

Also: some tantalizing details about the CITIBIKE PHOTO SHOOT, breathing, breaking up and being bad at both, some pressing questions about THE PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE, the time #JoshJazz and I killed a moth together, a call for the violent murder of the think piece, and some confusion around Beetlejuice's sales pitch.

A good show. An IMPORTANT show.


Download the Episode[edit]

Episode Link

Monologue Transcript[edit]

Hello, Hello... Hi everybody. Klausner back for another episode of How Was Your Week. I'm in Minnesota right now. It's Thursday night. I'm in Minneapolis because last night I hosted the Internet Cat Video Film Festival, which was presented by the Walker Art Center at the Minnesota State Fair, because of course I did. Little Bub met Grumpy Cat - I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. I feel like at a certain point you just have to dissociate with what your life has become and what you, the - you know, just the game of shoots and ladders that has gotten you to where you are and you just have to acknowledge that you're on stage in front of 20,000 people who just want to see cats. And you're introducing- or no, you're riffing with a woman who made a butter sculpture, and you're asking her um, what did you... do you prefer working with butter than soil? At a certain point I just kind of like look down at my own body, but it was great fun - I mean I am very grateful for the opportunity to have been involved with this very silly event. I met the man who owned Keyboard Cat, who's sadly no longer with us. I met the person who created that Nyan Cat gif. I met the little girl who did the video for Kittens Inspired by Kittens. She's got a hot dad by the way. I'd fuck that dad in a second. Lil' Bub's owner is uh, I mean, [sigh]... Should hipsters be allowed to own things that can love you? Next week on Vice: The TV Show. Is that what that show's called or just Catfish: The TV Show. Should we just put The TV Show after every title now? The Goldbergs: The TV Show.

Dad. Dads? Dads. Dads and Mom - these are the two shows coming to network television this fall, after Guys with Kids was cancelled. Will network television ever crack men? I mean you'd think that Home Improvement put a chip in that iceberg. Turns out the iceberg was made out of iceberg lettuce, 'cause a woman put it there 'cause she went shoppin' for vegetables. "Guhh, women... I'm a caveman!" Wow, I just sold 3 shows. There was also a cat named Pudge, with whom I wasn't familiar, but who is beautiful. And the guy who made Henri, the existential black and white cat who is besotted with ennui. Besotted? Besieged? What am I, Will Shortz? I really liked Henri's owner for many reasons. He's a really cool guy first of all, and second of all I really liked him because he didn't bring Henri to the event and I know that I'm a hypocrite for saying, "Oh, I participated in this event and the cats were there and it's crazy. Lil' Bub met Grumpy Cat." But like, the cat woman in me - cat lady I guess, cat woman is, obviously, Halle Berry's finest role - just wants to be like, "Those cats want to be looking out a window in their own apartments. They don't want to be on stage." And they were acting like, incredibly calm- to the point where you're like, "What's wrong with those cats?" I think Grumpy Cat and Lil' Bub are both cats with special needs, but I don't know. I've never met a cat that doesn't just want to be like in his or her home, fucking up your plants. But look, it made people very happy. I will say that it was just a surreal moment. I've never been in front of that many people. Except for that time for sex. Inside Julie Klausner: Season 2 on Comedy Central.

I um, did like a little monologue at the top of the show. I talked about cats a little, and um, I was like, "Cats are like this... uh, but dogs are like that." And people loved it! They ate it up like it was a corn dog 'cause it was the Minnesota State Fair and I did get to go to the fair today. I only went for an hour. I told the cab driver, I said, "Listen to me. I want you back in this very spot in one hour and not a minute later." and he said, "Very good." And so I went to the birthing tent. It was a tent called The Miracle of Life or something, and it's um, there's just pregnant animals, or animals who have just given birth and if you're lucky you can watch them give birth, but that day on the- there was like a dry erase board, it was like "Today's Specials" and it was um... the closest I actually saw to a farm animal giving birth was in this case a bunch of pigs that were born at 4 in the morning, and boy were they cute. Their tails hadn't curled yet. There were also goats. Goats are like dogs that have horns under their skin. In this case the goat that I pet had horns that were just desperate to emerge, like Kathy Lee Gifford, who's really Kathy Lee Epstein. Her horns are just like underneath that hair and she just wants to be who she is. She killed that long ago. She killed that, she ki- Kathy Lee Gifford killed Kathy Lee Epstein when her first Christmas album was released. Kathy Lee Epstein was DOA.

I want to thank Minnesotan Lisa and her son Elliot for holding up signs that said "We heart Julie!" in the front row of the- what do you even call that? The bandstand? Grandstand? That made me feel really happy, because nobody there was there for anything besides cat videos, and cats. So thank you Lisa and Elliot for making me feel welcome.

In addition to going to the Miracle of Life tent, which I was also a little concerned about. Whenever you step into any structure that says Miracle of Life on the outside of it, you're like, "Am I contributing to some sort of organization that's in favor of bombing Planned Parenthood or killing a doctor because in their mind that will save lives?" But it turns out it didn't have anything to do with that. So shout out to the miracle of life tent. There was also a building that celebrated conservation in general. And in front of that building there was a- a- like a man made... like a pond- or a thing of water, basically. Right? Fine. Man-made lake. Is that what you call it? And it just said "Fish of Minnesota!" and there are all these people looking down, and I looked down. I mean, I'm not... what? Am I not going to see what people are looking at? And you know what was in the pond? A bunch of fish. They were just swimmin' around. It was dumb. They weren't even koi. I mean, you know what I mean. They weren't. They weren't coy, in that they would pose for photos. Great joke. But um, but yeah. So that was interesting if you are psychotic.

I saw a band playing the best cover of Jackson I've ever heard, while a retired couple did some incredible two-stepping and man who looked like he was from a Michael Cupperman cartoon, or from like a uh- he was just like the guy hired to play the hillbilly who had some water on the brain. He was just sort of standing in front of the band having a great time- everyone was having a great time. I guess it was very hot here, for Minnesotans. It wasn't that hot for New Yorkers, but there was a lot of grousing, you know. And then there was a haunted house. Joe Mandy texted me to mention that when he was a pothead as a teen, he would go to the Minnesota State Fair, as you would. It hadn't even occurred to me that of course this is a stoner's paradise. What do you do? You get weed, you eat garbage, and then you go into this haunted house and he claims someone dressed up as a werewolf just punched him in the face. [laughing] Which frankly, if you're gonna do scary, that's pretty scary! You could be punched in the face at any moment.

If I sound low energy it's because I'm very depressed. Without getting too explicit I was recently heartbroken. I was seeing someone for a little bit and now I'm no longer seeing them, and I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't ready for this to end. I am still clearly nursing wounds that have not yet healed from the four and a half year relationship that ended earlier this year, so therefore once the person I was seeing ended it I lost my mind. I don't- I don't feel good about it, but I also don't feel good about anything, so I'm trying not to add on- I'm trying not to add guilt into the bouquet of garbage feelings. But it ain't easy! What do you mean you went crazy? Oh, well I just sent like about a hundred texts and emails uh, I mean... Here's the- here's the- Sorry I'm being so vague, "I don't write about my personal life for free." My Mae West is a few notches below Steven Tyler's in everyone's favorite show tune Ragdoll... but I will- maybe one day I'll write about it, maybe I won't, but I want to speak in vague terms for the time being if only because it's so raw that I don't have a point of view on it and also for privacy reasons and legal reasons because it was Anthony Weiner and um, no it wasn't. It wasnt anyone you know, but I will say that the explosion of those emails and texts that I sent after the fact had a lot to do with something that I'm going to impart to you now by way of the very meager amount of wisdom that I've since gleaned from this experience, which is don't hide your needs in any kind of situation in which more than one person is involved, I guess. So there's no reason- I mean, even if, "well, what if he leaves me?" No, I know, I get it. Fear of abandonment is something I connect to more than frankly, belief in gravity. Like there's sort of a truth in it that's deeper than science to me. Which I learned after the Miracle of Life tent. Really made me question science because I thought to myself, "If everything's a miracle..." No, that's not what happened at all. Earlier I did have a corn dog, did I mention that? It was very good. Fear of abandonment to me is the beginning, middle and end of everything, and I'm working on that because that's not good. Because, I talked about this last week, if your fear of abandonment triumphs over your fear of being stuck with someone who's wrong for you you're gonna hide your needs, and if you hide your needs around someone that you're trying to please and they leave you anyway you're gonna have a lot of shit to unload. All I'm saying is, I never knew anyone who didn't eat an entire pizza because they hadn't just done a juice cleanse. Does that make sense? It's like, "Kathy- you just ate 4 Entenmann's cakes." "Yeah, I know. Because I was starving for a month." "Alright."

It's all about food... which I don't care about. That's how I know I'm depressed. "What's for dinner?" "I don't know..." And I'm eating half of everything, which is what Brenda Dickson says to do in Welcome to My Home, in the diet and nutrition portion of that lifestyle video, in which she tells you how to live your life. She says, if you're trying to lose weight just eat half of everything that you'd eat normally. Then she goes on for about 45 minutes. In regards to how to construct a salad and she says, "Beans! are a good source of protein." I've just man-splained the Brenda Dickson video to- how many homosexuals listen to this podcast? How many gay people and how many homosexuals? Don't worry, there'll be someone knocking at your door. There'll be someone, brown or black boots, knocking at your door soon enough to find out your details.

So, yes. Everything will be fine. I need to- has anyone ever told you you're bad at breathing? 'Cause that's another thing that I've heard from people that are like, "take breaths." and then I try and they're like, "you're bad a breathing." and I'm like, "I know!"

Jimmy and I killed a moth together. This is a sentence that's written down in front of me. Jimmy Jazz and I had our first duel hunting expedition. He stared at the ceiling and then he started making weird noises, and I looked up and I saw a moth, and it wasn't moving, but I guess he'd seen it move, and I- well, sprayed the moth with that spray on sunscreen. Walgreens brand. It's the end of the season, I mean, may as well get it out of the can- but here's my technique. I just spray sunscreen at the moth until the moth started acting drunk and then I killed it with a paper towel. And then I high-fived my cat. Everything's going great and the right person is just around the corner. There's plenty of fish in the Minnesota State Fair.

Nothing feels good by the way. The only thing that felt good a couple of days ago was sending these texts and emails and now that doesn't feel good. The only thing that- and it's not because my friends aren't beautiful and- there's more love that I get from friends than I could ever want from a lifetime from a partner. I just have the best friends. But! [whiney voice] they don't fix the problem. Wahh, my thing is broken! How come it's still broken? The only thing that would make me feel better, besides being back with this person and have him being a different person than he is, is if that scene in Pulp Fiction with Eric Stoltz, if in that syringe instead of adrenaline, it was just something else, and I was stabbed in the heart, and then everything went away, and I just felt great. Hearing all those, "He's such a.." although Spoony does call him Shit Pants which is funny. Just doesn't help. Or, "Oh, you're so great." or "You're gonna find someone 'round the corner.." or "I have someone for you to meet..." it's like none of it, none of it... Like when it gets less specific, like when you're not even thinking about the person anymore, it's just infected your worldview. Where you're like, "oh yeah, Bill Murray did a Liberace entrance on Letterman... huh." "oh yeah, Grumpy Cat met uh lil' Bub... huh." Or like, somebody mentions sex and you get really depressed. You're like, "What if I never have sex again?" Not out of panic. Just out of this resigned worldview that somehow has a permanence. Because, what they don't tell you, is that if you live in the moment, which everyone is so goddamn in-fucking-favor of, 'specially the ones who tell me that I can't breathe well, and I know they're right- but if you live in the moment, what if the moment sucks? And is painful? Then, my friends, you infuse whatever thoughts you may have of the future with this sort of muddied, like when you would use the dark colors in your water color palate first and you wouldn't wash them off properly and then the purple would get into the yellow and all the sudden you just can't picture a time in which you feel differently than you do in that present moment.

So much of this is belated- I don't believe in toxins, I don't think they exist. I think there's shit in your body that your body doesn't want and that they have fancy names that are probably originated from Latin. But I definitely know that there's a lot of stuff that's still inside of me from February, or whenever the hell it was Jack and I split up, but they're all in my throat. And I'm just being honest with you and I'm not looking for any sympathy. And I'm not looking for any, I'm certainly not you know, fishing for any kind of- god enough with the fish... Don't worry about sending me nice emails or anything like that. I am just being honest with you because I've been uh, not lying about it but just being friendly. I'm traveling also, so it's weird to be like, "Oh hi, nice to meet you. How are you?" and you're just like, "Not so great!" Like you can't do that when you're meeting people. Or like, "Can I get you anything" and you're like, "You know what I could really use-" it's just not appropriate. I do want to be honest with you about, well, how my week was I suppose.

But I will say before this uh- you can't even call it a breakup, 'cause we weren't together- before this thing ended, I had a really special Saturday, because we did the Citibike photoshoot and it's gonna be amazing. I think we shot 2,000 frames for 1 photo. Dickie DiBella, who is a revolution of a human being- he's one of the friends, I see more love in him than... forget it. I knew Dickie through Billy. Dickie's husband's name is Robin. He's just- think about if you got every golden retriever together, and then they all had Kurt Vonnegut's brain... I don't know, it's a little confusing. But like, they're just wonderful people. Dickie rented lighting equipment and he took the photos and my hair guru Kyle David Malone, whom you should all follow in instagram, because she is living, did hair, makeup. There was wardrobe. It was sickening. We got a sunset... forget it. And then remember it. But soon this photo is gonna drop and you guys are gonna be so thrilled that you sent money in- that you successfully raised money, in order to get me on a Citibike and I have photographic evidence of it actually happening. And I will say that when I rented the Citibike, which was humiliating. By the way I did that very early in the morning, so that no one would see me. I will also tell you this- I did not ride the Citibike at any point. I did not rent it, look over my shoulder, straddle it and ride it back to my apartment- I did not do that. I walked it. On the street. Where those things belong. I did not even, I was not on the sidewalk. I was too ashamed of myself. I did scan the terms and conditions, because it's like a- you run your credit card, it takes a really long time. If English is your second language, good luck renting a Citibike. Although the Finns seem to be graduating with flying colors in their user experience based on how many of them I've seen on those things. But there's a really long agreement that most people don't read. I certainly didn't, I skimmed it. I basically was like- is there a section in here that says don't take a Citibike into your apartment and take photos of it? And I didn't see that, so hopefully we're in the clear. Because if you're not allowed to do that, there's gonna be photographic evidence that I did it anyway. But then who's gonna come and get me? Christine Quinn? I'm not afraid of Christine Quinn.

I saw Phantom of the Paradise for the first time, which is a very weird thing, because Phantom of the Paradise is, for me, a film that I should have seen in the womb. Like it's something that is so, as the millennials say, "relevant to my interests" that when I told our pal Jake Fogelnest that I had just seen it for the first time he uh, well we were at the movies. We saw The World's End with Spoony and Hotlips- we go on these little retreats. They're satisfying. Good for morale! Jake threw his popcorn down on floor- no he didn't, he just looked at me and was like, "What?!" and I said, "I know." It was one of those things where I should have seen it a long time ago. It's like when you don't return a library book on time and then it just gets later and later and you get so embarrassed that you hide it in your closet so it only gets worse. But that was sort of me with like, I hadn't seen it and I was so embarrassed and then at a certain point on Thursday night it's like, "Fuck it. It's midnight, cereal is delicious." I wasn't working that week. I said, "Let's go. Let's do this." And boy oh boy, I have a lot of questions about that movie.

First one is, if you haven't seen Phantom of the Paradise please bear with, my first question is the following: Why does Winslow hate the Juicy Fruits so much? They're a great band. Completely rad. Two: When Winslow turns into the Phantom, by getting his head stuck in a record press, how come his voice changes? That doesn't make sense. Record presses are by nature, technologies that exist to preserve sound that was already there. Three: Why did anybody think that Paul Williams belonged on the other side of the camera? He is... you know Paul Williams I think was like the original Grumpy Cat. He kind of looks like that, right? If Grumpy Cat were a lesbian that lived in the 1970's- here's the thing about Paul Williams- I love Paul Williams. I tried watching that documentary. I got about 35 minutes in before I realized it was a documentary about the guy, well I realized that right away but I was like- you know those doc's that are about the guy who's making it? Is this Morgan Spurlock's fault? I don't know but it's unacceptable. The Halsted documentary was like that. "I also grew up on Long Island" You're like, Oh my god! Come on! You're sitting on all this footage? And we have to see, like, home videos of you? Ughhh, do a one man show. At what point did documentaries become like the substitute for doing a good old fashioned, 'here comes my childhood,' 'fuck myself with my own dick,' one person show? Anyway, the Paul Williams documentary was chock full of Paul Williams's gunt in a highwaisted pant, and back to Phantom of the Paradise. OK. Amazing score. I'm gonna call it a score, I'm not even gonna call it a soundtrack. Jake cave me a copy of the version of the soundtrack that has way too much stuff on it. Stuff that nobody needs; outtakes from Rod Serling doing the narration, snippets of dialogue... I'm not saying I don't want Paul Williams saying, "Get that fag out of here." as my ringtone. I'm just saying you guys better call me during a pretty cool board meeting. The other thing that I learned about Phantom of the Paradise is that Daft Punk were incredibly influenced by it. Sort of their whole thing of why they wear leather and have those helmets? Which is crazy. And it makes me like Daft Punk more.

Hey, do I need to talk about the Video Music Awards? Do I need to, like, talk about how everybody just stopped doing- I mean, was anyone working this week? 'Cause all people were doing was talking about Miley Cyrus? And that was a bummer to me. And not in a- I'm not gonna like write a think piece off the top of my head right now. If I ever do please just smother me with a pillow while I'm sleeping while you're dating me, and never leave by the way. Yeah, like the outrage about Miley Cyrus- as far as I'm concerned Miley Cyrus had an awesome memorable performance at the VMAs and completely like owned it and shut it down, and her whole tongue sticking out thing is fuckin punk rock and bad ass and the way she moves and uses her body and her sexuality and her confidence- she's fuckin like bad ass pop star. Like that was Madonna in a wedding dress, like what are we even- god, agh! Bah- I'm talking about it, aren't I? But like, I like critical, what is it- cultural criticism, but I really do feel- and maybe this is just like when Salon picked on Patton, but like at that moment this summer my tolerance for think pieces has really gone down the terlette. And I get that it wasn't cool that Miley like grabbed a thick woman of color's behind and used her as a prop- I get that, that was shitty. And the whole Robin Thicke, I mean I'm not- no one's talking about Robin Thicke anymore, it's all Miley. That's another thing to her credit - good for her. It's all about here and that's fuckin awesome, that's badass. Like if Slate had been around when Madonna crawled on the floor like... [sigh] or Britney, not the snake one, the one where she was wearing just a flesh colored- there was no pant that was a lower rise- and her hair was everywhere, and it was like the epitome of smoldering- were there think pieces then? Were there as many think pieces, where people had to think?

Alec Baldwin had another kid with the yoga instructor who's married to him and I just say- I have mixed feelings about, well fuck it- I wrote this down: Alec Baldwin having more kids at this point is gross. It's just gross. Knock it off. Bums me out. It's just gross. It's like, ugh, you have to picture him cradling a newborn. Whatever happened to pipes? Like, men of that age use to like pipes. Now they hold their own babies. Like Steve Martin- does Steve Martin have a new baby? Is that a thing? He just has that wife. Went on tour with Eddie Brickell. That makes me tired. No. When I hear that Steve Martin is touring with Eddie Brickell I feel like I just ate a roast beef dinner from a diner. Like the kind with mashed potatoes and gravy and string beans, and you cleared your plate and wiped the liquid- whatever remnants were sop-up-able- on like that oval plate, you know maybe there's a nautical theme to its trimmings- you sopped it up with like a popover or a roll that you didn't even want but it was there. And you have to like, go back to the car. And you're like, "Someone carry me." That's how I feel when I hear that [sigh] what was I talking about- Steve Martin dating someone- no going on tour, both of them- both of them, just make me feel loagie.

The other thing about the Video Music Awards- did Kevin Hart host them? Or did he just sort of appear and riff every once in awhile? Kevin Hart, who seems like a really nice guy- he seems like a sweet man, but he's one of these people who has no point of view. Like he sort of shows up and says things that are very indicative to anyone that's paying attention- like he's the sportscaster of comedians. Like, "Oh yeah, we're all here and Miley just did that and look at her and wow that's crazy." It's like, "And?" Even if you're like hanging out with a guy at a party who was commenting over the television that we were watching I'd be like, "Can you keep it down?" I also, like if Kathy Griffen were black and not- if you took all the edge off her... I actually do like Kathy Griffin, I think she's a good interviewer, but sometimes her standup just feels like you're hanging out with a girlfriend. And you're like, "Oh, OK" and you're there for the stories, but like I don't know... I don't mean to insult Kathy Griffin. This is about Kevin Hart. Has Kevin Hart got jokes?

And then the Robin Thicke thing- that guy's done, right? He's done. You can't show up dressed like Beetlejuice and have a 20 year old upstage you and still go home and talk about it to your stunning wife of color. The thing about Robin Thicke too is every time he talks in interviews you're like, "oh, it's Alan Thicke!" He sounds just like his dad. He was wearing that Beetlejuice suit, which brings me to the last thing I wanted to talk about before introducing our one and only guest, who is a fabulous guest and I'm very very excited to introduce him to you, is um-

Speaking of Beetlejuice. Jake and I, it was our last week together in the Billy on the Street writers room and Jake and I are grappling- present tense- with- Well, I asked him, "What's the sexiest part of Beetlejuice?" Is it when we find out Beetlejuice had designs to like, marry Lydia the whole time? It's Lydia right? Ryder's character... And she's supposed to be quote-unquote "a little girl" - they refer to her as that. Maybe I just think that's sexy. I know I think it's sexy. But anyway, so is that the sexy part? Or is it the Argentinian lady that slit her wrists? Don't answer this. If there's anything that I don't want in my email inbox this week it's what you think the sexiest part of Beetlejuice is, no offense. Especially not from the person who's like, "Well, I have this theory about Otho..." Please keep that to yourself. But the other thing that Jake and I were grappling with was whether or not Beetlejuice, or I guess Michael Keaton playing Beetlejuice, spent a lot more time riffing than is on film. Am I trolling for Beetlejuice outtakes? Sort of. But the part specifically that we were thinking about was the commercial that Beetlejuice makes... to advertise his services... to ghosts looking for help... scaring.... you know the plot of Beetlejuice! And he takes upon himself the affect of a, you know, "I will exorcise the demon," like a Baptist sort of preacher. And then it sort of morphs into like a country and western sort of character that he's doing, and he sings a song at the end- go ahead, sing it with me, turn it up, "Iiiiiiii'll eat anything you want me to eat, I'll swaller anything you want me to swaller" [laughing] and then he says, "so give me a call! I'll chew on a dog." Wait, is that what he says? Or "come on by.." wait, I have to look this up, because before he sings that insane jingle he also is like, "Come on down- we got snakes and lizards for the little ones to play with." Oh it feels good to laugh! "iiii'll eat anything you want me to eat, I'll swaller anything you want me to swaller, but come on down! I'll chew on a dog." Why is that the last part of that song? And why would anyone want him to chew on a dog?? If you need help scaring the living, I understand hiring Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice knows what he's doing- except for the chewing on a dog part! I don't know, so great though. And what makes me think that there's extra footage is like, that's the only time that Beetlejuice goes into character. Like sometimes he's like, well I can't think of any other examples. But I have a feeling that Michael Keaton did a TON of improvising in that insane makeup with moss- by the way, have I said this on the podcast or is it too obvious, that I would fuck Michael Keaton if he were in Beetlejuice makeup and wardrobe. There's really no conditions in which I would turn him away from my bed. But yeah, I just want to see, like there's gotta be a part of the movie where Beetlejuice was like, "I'm a widdle baby!" or "Oi vey - have some chicken soup!" or "Ooh, top o' the mornin' to ya!" Like gotta be- or maybe he did an old timey like- all the parts of Beetlejuice that I will never get to see haunt me, ironically enough.