Monologue Transcripts

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Wonderful listeners and HWYWikians volunteer their time and effort to transcribe Julie's fantastic opening monologues.

If you want to claim an episode to transcribe, please add it to this list and use 'Pending' as the |Pendingstatus so we know you're working on it.

Episode Date Status
Episode 1: "Oscar Madison Won't Let You Pack Your Bags" March 8, 2011 Complete
Episode 40: "Twittertudes" December 9, 2011 Pending


Episode 68: "Crazy Person F.I.T." June 22, 2012 Pending
Episode 74: "Most of the Nooks" August 3, 2012 Complete
Episode 119: "Curating the Linens" June 14, 2013 pending
Episode 120: "We're all Smart" June 21, 2013 Complete
Episode 121: "Silverdollar Pancakes" June 28, 2013 Pending
Episode 122: "Rosie's Meds" July 5, 2013 Complete
Episode 123: "The Patient Zero of Food" July 12, 2013 Complete


Episode 124: "Dicks for Days" July 19, 2013 Complete
Episode 125: "Shitty Shoes" July 26, 2013 Complete
Episode 126: "Cool Story Dennis" August 2, 2013 Complete
Episode 127: "Like Fuddruckers But Expensive" August 9, 2013 Complete
Episode 128: "America's Morning" August 16, 2013 Complete
Episode 129: "A Hanna-Barbera Cartoon About Carnage" August 23, 2013 Complete
Episode 130: "I'll Chew on a Dog" August 30, 2013 Complete
Episode 131: "The Poetry of Her Tchotchkes" September 6, 2013 Complete
Episode 132: "Julie Klausner on a Citi Bike Dot Com" September 13, 2013 Complete
Episode 133: "Chive Teef" September 20, 2013 Complete
Episode 134: "Eat a Carb!" September 27, 2013 Complete
Episode 135: "Walking Ballads" October 4, 2013 Complete
Episode 136: "Layla" October 11, 2013 Complete
Episode 137: "Houdini's Waffles" October 18, 2013 Complete
Episode 138: "Oooooh!" October 25, 2013 Complete
Episode 139: "More Suicide Than The Average Bear" November 1, 2013 Complete
Episode 140: "A Charmless Joy Behar" November 8, 2013 Complete
Episode 141: "Congratulations" November 15, 2013 Complete
Episode 142: "Betty 1, 2, 3" November 22, 2013 Complete
Episode 143: "The Crime of Being Delicious" November 29, 2013 Complete
Episode 144: "P Pocket" December 6, 2013 Complete
Episode 145: "Death Fedora" December 13, 2013 Complete
Episode 146: "The Opposite of Rock & Roll" December 20, 2013 Complete
Episode 147: "I Don't Do Mushrooms, Henry" December 27, 2013 Complete
Episode 148: "Goodbye, Spoony" January 3, 2014 Complete
Episode 149: "Here's a Sconce" January 10, 2014 Complete
Episode 150: "HWYW Gems Vol. 5" January 17, 2014 Complete
Episode 151: "To Talk to You About Rembrandt" January 24, 2014 Complete
Episode 152: "Bret Easton Ellis Brainstorming" January 31, 2014 Complete
Episode 153: "Strings and Levees and Pulleys" February 7, 2014 Complete
Episode 154: "Shakespeare on my Bike" February 14, 2014 Complete
Episode 155: "Andrew and Sunshine" February 21, 2014 Complete
Episode 156: "Karen O-scars" February 28, 2014 Complete
Episode 157: "Doing A Voice Things" March 7, 2014 Complete
Episode 158: "She's a Car" March 14, 2014 Complete
Episode 159: "Python Run" March 21, 2014 Complete
Episode 160: "God" March 28, 2014 Complete
Episode 161: "Things That Demonstrate Physics" April 4, 2014 Complete
Episode 162: "Praying to Fonts" April 11, 2014 Complete
Episode 163: "Talking Gump" April 18, 2014 Complete
Episode 164: "That's The Twist" April 25, 2014 Complete
Episode 165: "A Working Heart" May 2, 2014 Complete
Episode 166: "That Bellevue Glow" May 9, 2014 Complete
Episode 167: "Unable to Close Her Eyes" May 16, 2014 Complete
Episode 168: "The Current Incarnation of Alec" May 23, 2014 Complete
Episode 169: "Pus Town" May 30, 2014 Complete
Episode 170: "Our Generation's Nessie" June 6, 2014 Complete
Episode 171: "Brillsplaining" June 13, 2014 Complete
Episode 172: "Pellet of Pleasure" June 20, 2014 Complete
Episode 173: "HWYW Gems 6" June 27, 2014 Complete
Episode 175: "Barbershop Quartet of Bullying Doom" July 11, 2014 Complete
Episode 176: "False Chunk" July 18, 2014 Complete
Episode 177: "The Smaller The Cats" July 25, 2014 Complete
Episode 178: "One of the Few Living People That Has A Ghost" August 1, 2014 Complete
Episode 179: "Rita Moreno Was Going Through Some Stuff" August 8, 2014 Complete
Episode 180: "My Dog Hates Me" August 15, 2014 Complete
Episode 181: "STANLEY" August 22, 2014 Complete
Episode 182: "A Cup and Saucer Made Out of a Daffodil" September 5, 2014 Complete
Episode 183: "Starship Truthers" September 12, 2014 Complete
Episode 185: "Sucking In" September 19, 2014 Complete
Episode 186: "IF HIS NAME WAS WOODEN SPOON" September 26, 2014 Complete
Episode 187: "Hershey Nestlebaum" October 3, 2014 Complete
Episode 188: "Her Own Carol" October 10, 2014 Complete
Episode 189: "Australian Mars" October 17, 2014 Complete