Editing Episode 145: "Death Fedora"

So there's a couple of things in it that I thought, "Oh, is this the thing he meant? No." Like, for example, here's a sentence from this horrifying article: "Betty had thirteen children, some of whom were probably fathered by her father, Tim, and her brother Charlie." …Oy. "Along the way, one of Betty's daughters, Tammy, 27, died from a rare genetic disease known as Zellweger's Syndrome." That's a joke, right? That's someone's, like, gotta – come on, don't – please don't send me, like, links to things that prove that this is a real story, though, 'cuz that'll bum me out man. Anyway, that wasn't the thing that he warned me about, and then when I finally came across it, I thought "…obviously, this is what he meant." And I peed and pooped myself, at the same time. Here is the thing he referred to. The paragraph begins: "The Telegraph reported that dirt caked the surfaces of stoves and cooking facilities, rotten vegetables lay in a refrigerator, and a kangaroo was sleeping on one of the children's beds." A couple of things; a couple of things. **Laughs** If somebody was making this up, and they just needed a specific to prove that it took place in Australia, could you have thought of anything, like, an easier grab than a sleeping kangaroo? Second of all, Nate pointed out that he liked the heightening of it, the, uh: the dirt on the stove was one thing; the vegetables were another; but a kangaroo in a children's bed! That's shocking. Finally, I just wanna point out that, if there were a kangaroo newspaper covering this event – alleged event – that we'll say happened, the headline would read something like, "Glorious slumber interrupted," because I can't think of anything more comfortable than a kangaroo sleeping in a children's bed. I can't even begin to think about how cozy that must be. I don't think any of us can.

So there's a couple of things in it that I thought, "Oh, is this the thing he meant? No." Like, for example, here's a sentence from this horrifying article: "Betty had thirteen children, some of whom were probably fathered by her father, Tim, and her brother Charlie." …Oy. "Along the way, one of Betty's daughters, Tammy, 27, died from a rare genetic disease known as Zellweger's Syndrome." That's a joke, right? That's someone's, like, gotta – come on, don't – please don't send me, like, links to things that prove that this is a real story, though, 'cuz that'll bum me out man. Anyway, that wasn't the thing that he warned me about, and then when I finally came across it, I thought "…obviously, this is what he meant." And I peed and pooped myself, at the same time. Here is the thing he referred to. The paragraph begins: "The Telegraph reported that dirt caked the surfaces of stoves and cooking facilities, rotten vegetables lay in a refrigerator, and a kangaroo was sleeping on one of the children's beds." A couple of things; a couple of things. **Laughs** If somebody was making this up, and they just needed a specific to prove that it took place in Australia, could you have thought of anything, like, an easier grab than a sleeping kangaroo? Second of all, Nate pointed out that he liked the heightening of it, the, uh: the dirt on the stove was one thing; the vegetables were another; but a kangaroo in a children's bed! That's shocking. Finally, I just wanna point out that, if there were a kangaroo newspaper covering this event – alleged event – that we'll say happened, the headline would read something like, "Glorious slumber interrupted," because I can't think of anything more comfortable than a kangaroo sleeping in a children's bed. I can't even begin to think about how cozy that must be. I don't think any of us can.

Rachael Ray has that – uh, I'm gonna use the word, why not? – jappy rasp that I grew up with. I don't wanna say ''all'' the popular girls had it, but it was pretty close to, like, a side pony with a scrunchie around it when I was growing up. That if a girl was becoming, she would (rasps) sound like she'd been partying all night. I don't care if Rachael Ray lives or dies, I should also put that out there. And I once saw her make a recipe with turkey sausage; again, not a great story, but it's just true. And if she's a murderehr, well, I hope justice prevails, you know? You know.

Rachael Ray has that – uh, I'm gonna use the word, why not? – jappy rasp that I grew up with. I don't wanna say ''all'' the popular girls had it, but it was pretty close to, like, a side pony with a scrunchie around it when I was growing up. That if a girl was becoming, she would (rasps) sound like she'd been partying all night. I don't care if Rachael Ray lives or dies, I should also put that out there. And I once saw her make a recipe with turkey sausage; again, not a great story, but it's just true. And if she's a murderehr, well, I hope justice prevails, you know? You know.