Episode 168: "The Current Incarnation of Alec"

Date

May 23, 2014

Guests

Linda Simpson

Origin of the episode title

Baldwin.

Discussed

Happy Fleet Week! The new episode of HWYW features an interview with the one and only LINDA SIMPSON! Enjoy Linda as she chats with Julie about the 90's drag scene, why drag was considered square for a while, what she wore the first time she did drag, and what RuPaul's style used to be.

Plus! Alec Baldwin's wife and her outrage! Mike Myers and his unfortunate taste in cross-stitchery! A couple of stray Judy Garland factoids! The Normal Heart rubs salt into a wound! And why everybody should leave Hero Cat alone. A fine show! Fine, fine, fine!

Trivia and References

• Hero Cat

Download the Episode

Episode Link

Monologue Transcript

Linda Simpson May 23, 2014

Hello, it's Julie Klausner back for another episode of HWYW. I am very horizontal which is probably a bad idea. I am going to fall asleep. Oh, I'm so tired. Isn't that a great topic of conversation? I'm so tired is basically the adult's way of saying I'm bored. If you have something else to talk about you wouldn't be tired and you wouldn't be talking about being tired unless you had a night that's worth describing or recounting.

Is Recount a movie or did I dream it?

Guys I am in the middle of shooting a pilot. Tomorrow is the last day on the shoot. This week has been…I can't even describe it without wincing at my own happiness. I have to say it has been one of the best weeks of my life. I have the incredible good fortunes to be working on a show with people who are incredible. I wrote it. I got to be in it. It's like the end of Willy Wonka when the rape Augustus Gloop. Take two- It's like the end of Willy Wonka when Willy says to Chuck, "Do you know what happened to the little boy who got everything he ever wanted?" Then they touch penises. No. "He lived happily ever after."

Do you know what happened to the girl who got her dream job for a week? She had an incredible time and it was everything she hoped it would be and more. Boy oh boy, long days and they could not fly by faster. They could not be more, just totally nourishing and satisfying. I am really so grateful I had this experience. It's like falling in love. It's like knowing you can do that and you could get hurt. That's the possibility of attachment. I really am having a great week with Billy Eichner, Tracy Chimo, James Urbaniak, Amy Poehler, Hotlips, all of our friends and family. There was a dog named Ringo on set today. It's going to wrap tomorrow and then I'll be…

I don't know where I'll be. I'll be on a ship. Do you know what? If I never were on a ship I will have succeeded in an important way. If I successfully avoid ships I am doing something right which is not to disparage fleet week. I am always a little happier during fleet week because the odds of me spotting a sailor are better. If you are the kind of person that cannot smile when you see a sailor, you're the kind of person I' don't want to know. So welcome sailors and hazah seamen.

I don't really have a lot written down to talk about because I have been preoccupied this week. I will mention that Hero Cat is the real deal. I'm sure by now you've all see the video where this dog attacks a kid on a tricycle. The family cat runs out and chases the dog. It is one of those things where you know that in a lot of animal videos you project your own ideas about what is motivating the animal and what the animal is actually doing. In this case I am going to go ahead and say it, that Hero Cat was heroic. I don’t think we are misinterpreting what happened there. Hero Cat has since been touring, which hero cat does not want to do. They interviewed Hero Cat in the home of the family with whom she lives. They plopped Hero Cat next to the little boy who rather inarticulately recapped the event, “He was a bad dog…” This is not about making an enemy of the dog; this is about acknowledging the heroism of the cat.

In the first interview with the cat (you can find all of this on Jezebel at your local newsstand or in the checkout aisle of your grocery store) it was interesting because Hero Cat did not want to be sitting on the same chair as the child. Not because Hero Cat doesn’t like the child, Hero Cat clearly liked the child she put her own life in danger to save the child. But Hero Cat is a cat. Cats don’t want to be on chairs sometimes. If you plop them next to a kid, sometimes they are cool with it and sometimes they aren’t. So Hero Cat kept trying to squirm out from the chair. The producers clearly are not used to interviewing kids about heroic cats. There’s always the dog story where they plop the do next to the kid and the kid tells the producer what happened, you’ve got a great clip. This was a little tougher. You saw a pair of hands plop Hero Cat back up on the chair after Hero Cat escaped. Seriously? I already made it clear I don’t want to be on the chair. The kid keeps talking and has no pauses in his speech. Meanwhile I dog would just be panting. My point is that producers have no experience dealing with cats. Also Hero Cat threw out the first pitch for a baseball game.

That sounds like the worst nightmare you could conjure up if you were a cat. Can you imagine being a cat, you saved a kid and then are basically being punished by being dragged out onto a baseball field? Cats do not want to be on a baseball filed. Our friend Jodi Lennon had a good point-Let Hero Cat nap. Hero Cat wants to nap. Hero Cat wants to sit on a chair on her schedule. Hero Cat don’t want to be playing baseball.

I want to congratulate Larry Kramer for having the best week ever. Larry Kramer is the man behind, “From the guys that brought you...” Larry Kramer wrote Normal Heart,” From the guys that brought you Fagots the novel, anew story about what we talk about when we talk about AIDS.” Julia Roberts is so offensively basic in those trailers that it makes me wonder whether or not gay men have suffered enough around this epidemic. Haven’t gay men suffered enough? Do we really need the Normal Heart starring Julia Roberts on top of it?

Billy Corgan posed on the cover of Cat Magazine which was more confusing visually than I can express. That’s it that’s all that happened this week. Oh, RuPaul was on Marc Maron’s show. I haven’t heard it yet. I will. I am looking forward to it. I adore RuPaul. I absolutely love RuPaul. I am looking forward to hearing what he has to say. I am sure Maron did a great job with the interview but the idea of him asking, “Who are your guys? Who are your guys?” “Taboo, Lady Money, Lipsinka.”

Guys, I am going to introduce the guest...I know this is a short monologue this week. There’s a lot more I could say about Jessica Seinfeld’s Instagram but I am not going to because I don’t know if Jerry Seinfeld is the best bridge for me to burn, but I will say this, Hilaria Baldwin was tweeting this morning about how angry she was that the tabloids ‘took a flattering photo of her steeping out with a strapping man’ whom she asserted over the course of a few different tweets was gay. For those of you who don’t know Hilaria Baldwin is Alec Baldwin’s yoga wife. There was an article that said, “Is Hilaria Mad at Alec? She was spotted stepping out on him with a strapping young man.” She said, “That’s my gay friend.” Then she continued by saying, “He wanted to hold my purse but I’m holding my purse.” What? Gay men don’t want to hold your purse. Her third tweet said, “The next time you see me with a guy the odds are he’s more interested in Alec that he is with me. LOL.” I know Bear Week is around the corner but don’t flatter yourself Hilaria. Not a lot of gay men are so pounce happy on the current incarnation of Alec Baldwin. Until what movie would you have had sex with Alec, let me put that differently, until what movie would you have enjoyed sex with Alec Baldwin-- Beetlejuice, Glengarry Glen Ross, It’s Complicated, Blue Jasmine? Those are the only answers to this multiple choice question.

I am going to introduce the guest. I need to go to bed and enjoy my last day on set shooting. Andrea Martin is in the cast. She plays my mom. This is beyond. This is my happening and it freaks me out! Oh another thing I have to mention. Mike Myers was interviewed; he was photographed in the New York Times next to a frame cross-stitching ‘What would Soderbergh do?’ Mike Myers posed willingly in front of a framed cross-stitching he had made for him by a friend. He was in a corner with a vintage guitar and that hanging behind him. He willingly agreed to the picture. That’s worth thinking about.