Listeners' Favorite Monologue Quotes

2013-10-21T14:18:47Z

173.161.97.149:

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/tom-ruprecht-walking-ballads-ep-135 Episode 135] When suggesting ideas for new ''HWYWiki'' content: "Favorite Monologue Quotes. Why not? These make me feel good when I don't want to Google my exes. You know what that's called? Dialing Pain."

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/tom-ruprecht-walking-ballads-ep-135 Episode 135] [https://twitter.com/_andrewjohnston @_andrewjohnston] tweeted: "I picture Alec Baldwin reading the Grey Lady - and that's the only grey lady in his life."[https://twitter.com/_andrewjohnston/statuses/386231359947042816]

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/michael-urie-jonathan-tollins-the-poetry-of-her-tchotchkes-ep-131 Episode 131] "Here's a fun game: Which Manson family member is your cat? Mine is Ruth Ann, because he's very beautiful and young, but I could be wrong, he might be Diane Lake."

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/michael-urie-jonathan-tollins-the-poetry-of-her-tchotchkes-ep-131 Episode 131] "I want a boyfriend! I said it! It feels so good to finally say it!"

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/michael-urie-jonathan-tollins-the-poetry-of-her-tchotchkes-ep-131 Episode 131] Regarding HWYWiki: "This is your playground, Goddamn it. Is there a message board on here? I don't know, there should be. Look, you guys should meet each other, and be comfortable with each other and love each other. Should there be sex? Yes, yes there should be sex."

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/tami-sagher-ep-127 Episode 127] "How dare you be called Mumford and Sons and not be a yogurt shop made up to look like a country store?"

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/ep-97-carrie-brownstein-danielle-henderson Episode 97] "I helped myself to a glass of milk. Isn’t that disgusting? Isn’t that, like, the weirdest, creepiest thing you’ve ever heard of, like, a grown woman drinking a glass of milk? In the commissary area of a workplace that isn’t hers? I would’ve called the cops, if I’d worked there and passed me: 'glug glug glug glug,' 2% too, 'glug glug glug glug glug.'"

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/webpage/2012/12/28 Episode 95] Referring to the movie The Guilt Trip: "... and his mom says, 'Oh, Wal-Mart! My son, I'm so proud, he has a meeting at Wal-Mart!' That's a dumb person thing to say. That doesn't make sense. I could get a meeting at Wal-Mart. Could I get a meeting at Wal-Mart? How long would it take for me to get a meeting at Wal-Mart, now that I'm thinking about it? Would they Google me? Would they be like 'Mmm ... not her'? That'd be flattering. People who are paranoid are, ultimately, just like, not spinning it right."

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/ep-83-p-is-for-pizza-jodi-lennon-jessica-grose Episode 83] "Anthony Bourdain and his television show, it’s like the living equivalent of The Doors. And Ottavia Bourdain said something on Twitter this week about how she was, like, running out of toilet paper 'cause she had the shits or something like that. (sigh) Oh boy. And we think Honey Boo Boo is the problem."

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/ep-30-upstairs-coke-susie-essman-gabe-delahaye Episode 30] While discussing Nancy Grace's nip slip on DWTS: "Nancy Grace's nipple was the other ... (sigh) ... thing we all had in our eyeballs earlier this week. Here's the anatomy lesson America: That was an aereola. That was like a purple, wine-stained ... saucer ...of Nancy."

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/ep-30-upstairs-coke-susie-essman-gabe-delahaye Episode 30] "Emotionally, Americans never mature past the bratty, Christmas-list making children ... that all of us ... are."

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/ep-30-upstairs-coke-susie-essman-gabe-delahaye Episode 30] Regarding Dr. Phil (McGraw): "He doesn't seem like a shrink, he seems like a country doctor who will make a house call ... or a barn call ... and check on your mule, who's been acting funny."

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/hwyw-ep-2-the-taste-of-christmas-morning-rattlesnakes-robert-zemeckis-s-regrets-jesse-murray-s-fave-nyc-movies-of-the-80s-anthony-atamanuik-on-real-housewives Episode 2] "I watched two Stanley Kubrick movies in a row, which is not ... that's me in a bad place."

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/hwyw-ep-2-the-taste-of-christmas-morning-rattlesnakes-robert-zemeckis-s-regrets-jesse-murray-s-fave-nyc-movies-of-the-80s-anthony-atamanuik-on-real-housewives Episode 2] "I think Bill Maher and Anthony Bourdain should have an asshole-off."

Listeners' Favorite Monologue Quotes

2013-10-21T14:18:33Z

173.161.97.149:

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/tom-ruprecht-walking-ballads-ep-135 Episode 135] When suggesting ideas for new ''HWYWiki'' content: "Favorite Monologue Quotes. Why not? These make me feel good when I don't want to Google my exes. You know what that's called? Dialing Pain."

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/tom-ruprecht-walking-ballads-ep-135 Episode 135] [https://twitter.com/_andrewjohnston @_andrewjohnston] tweeted: "I picture Alec Baldwin reading the Grey Lady - and that's the only grey lady in his life."[https://twitter.com/_andrewjohnston/statuses/386231359947042816]

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/michael-urie-jonathan-tollins-the-poetry-of-her-tchotchkes-ep-131 Episode 131] "Here's a fun game: Which Manson family member is your cat? Mine is Ruth Ann, because he's very beautiful and young, but I could be wrong, he might be Diane Lake.

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/michael-urie-jonathan-tollins-the-poetry-of-her-tchotchkes-ep-131 Episode 131] "I want a boyfriend! I said it! It feels so good to finally say it!"

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/michael-urie-jonathan-tollins-the-poetry-of-her-tchotchkes-ep-131 Episode 131] Regarding HWYWiki: "This is your playground, Goddamn it. Is there a message board on here? I don't know, there should be. Look, you guys should meet each other, and be comfortable with each other and love each other. Should there be sex? Yes, yes there should be sex."

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/tami-sagher-ep-127 Episode 127] "How dare you be called Mumford and Sons and not be a yogurt shop made up to look like a country store?"

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/ep-97-carrie-brownstein-danielle-henderson Episode 97] "I helped myself to a glass of milk. Isn’t that disgusting? Isn’t that, like, the weirdest, creepiest thing you’ve ever heard of, like, a grown woman drinking a glass of milk? In the commissary area of a workplace that isn’t hers? I would’ve called the cops, if I’d worked there and passed me: 'glug glug glug glug,' 2% too, 'glug glug glug glug glug.'"

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/webpage/2012/12/28 Episode 95] Referring to the movie The Guilt Trip: "... and his mom says, 'Oh, Wal-Mart! My son, I'm so proud, he has a meeting at Wal-Mart!' That's a dumb person thing to say. That doesn't make sense. I could get a meeting at Wal-Mart. Could I get a meeting at Wal-Mart? How long would it take for me to get a meeting at Wal-Mart, now that I'm thinking about it? Would they Google me? Would they be like 'Mmm ... not her'? That'd be flattering. People who are paranoid are, ultimately, just like, not spinning it right."

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/ep-83-p-is-for-pizza-jodi-lennon-jessica-grose Episode 83] "Anthony Bourdain and his television show, it’s like the living equivalent of The Doors. And Ottavia Bourdain said something on Twitter this week about how she was, like, running out of toilet paper 'cause she had the shits or something like that. (sigh) Oh boy. And we think Honey Boo Boo is the problem."

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/ep-30-upstairs-coke-susie-essman-gabe-delahaye Episode 30] While discussing Nancy Grace's nip slip on DWTS: "Nancy Grace's nipple was the other ... (sigh) ... thing we all had in our eyeballs earlier this week. Here's the anatomy lesson America: That was an aereola. That was like a purple, wine-stained ... saucer ...of Nancy."

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/ep-30-upstairs-coke-susie-essman-gabe-delahaye Episode 30] "Emotionally, Americans never mature past the bratty, Christmas-list making children ... that all of us ... are."

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/ep-30-upstairs-coke-susie-essman-gabe-delahaye Episode 30] Regarding Dr. Phil (McGraw): "He doesn't seem like a shrink, he seems like a country doctor who will make a house call ... or a barn call ... and check on your mule, who's been acting funny."

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/hwyw-ep-2-the-taste-of-christmas-morning-rattlesnakes-robert-zemeckis-s-regrets-jesse-murray-s-fave-nyc-movies-of-the-80s-anthony-atamanuik-on-real-housewives Episode 2] "I watched two Stanley Kubrick movies in a row, which is not ... that's me in a bad place."

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/hwyw-ep-2-the-taste-of-christmas-morning-rattlesnakes-robert-zemeckis-s-regrets-jesse-murray-s-fave-nyc-movies-of-the-80s-anthony-atamanuik-on-real-housewives Episode 2] "I think Bill Maher and Anthony Bourdain should have an asshole-off."

Listeners' Favorite Monologue Quotes

2013-10-21T14:17:55Z

173.161.97.149:

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/tom-ruprecht-walking-ballads-ep-135 Episode 135] When suggesting ideas for new ''HWYWiki'' content, Julie stated: "Favorite Monologue Quotes. Why not? These make me feel good when I don't want to Google my exes. You know what that's called? Dialing Pain".

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/tom-ruprecht-walking-ballads-ep-135 Episode 135] [https://twitter.com/_andrewjohnston @_andrewjohnston] tweeted: "I picture Alec Baldwin reading the Grey Lady - and that's the only grey lady in his life."[https://twitter.com/_andrewjohnston/statuses/386231359947042816]

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/michael-urie-jonathan-tollins-the-poetry-of-her-tchotchkes-ep-131 Episode 131] "Here's a fun game: Which Manson family member is your cat? Mine is Ruth Ann, because he's very beautiful and young, but I could be wrong, he might be Diane Lake.

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/michael-urie-jonathan-tollins-the-poetry-of-her-tchotchkes-ep-131 Episode 131] "I want a boyfriend! I said it! It feels so good to finally say it!"

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/michael-urie-jonathan-tollins-the-poetry-of-her-tchotchkes-ep-131 Episode 131] Regarding HWYWiki: "This is your playground, Goddamn it. Is there a message board on here? I don't know, there should be. Look, you guys should meet each other, and be comfortable with each other and love each other. Should there be sex? Yes, yes there should be sex."

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/tami-sagher-ep-127 Episode 127] "How dare you be called Mumford and Sons and not be a yogurt shop made up to look like a country store?"

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/ep-97-carrie-brownstein-danielle-henderson Episode 97] "I helped myself to a glass of milk. Isn’t that disgusting? Isn’t that, like, the weirdest, creepiest thing you’ve ever heard of, like, a grown woman drinking a glass of milk? In the commissary area of a workplace that isn’t hers? I would’ve called the cops, if I’d worked there and passed me: 'glug glug glug glug,' 2% too, 'glug glug glug glug glug.'"

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/webpage/2012/12/28 Episode 95] Referring to the movie The Guilt Trip: "... and his mom says, 'Oh, Wal-Mart! My son, I'm so proud, he has a meeting at Wal-Mart!' That's a dumb person thing to say. That doesn't make sense. I could get a meeting at Wal-Mart. Could I get a meeting at Wal-Mart? How long would it take for me to get a meeting at Wal-Mart, now that I'm thinking about it? Would they Google me? Would they be like 'Mmm ... not her'? That'd be flattering. People who are paranoid are, ultimately, just like, not spinning it right."

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/ep-83-p-is-for-pizza-jodi-lennon-jessica-grose Episode 83] "Anthony Bourdain and his television show, it’s like the living equivalent of The Doors. And Ottavia Bourdain said something on Twitter this week about how she was, like, running out of toilet paper 'cause she had the shits or something like that. (sigh) Oh boy. And we think Honey Boo Boo is the problem."

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/ep-30-upstairs-coke-susie-essman-gabe-delahaye Episode 30] While discussing Nancy Grace's nip slip on DWTS: "Nancy Grace's nipple was the other ... (sigh) ... thing we all had in our eyeballs earlier this week. Here's the anatomy lesson America: That was an aereola. That was like a purple, wine-stained ... saucer ...of Nancy."

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/ep-30-upstairs-coke-susie-essman-gabe-delahaye Episode 30] "Emotionally, Americans never mature past the bratty, Christmas-list making children ... that all of us ... are."

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/ep-30-upstairs-coke-susie-essman-gabe-delahaye Episode 30] Regarding Dr. Phil (McGraw): "He doesn't seem like a shrink, he seems like a country doctor who will make a house call ... or a barn call ... and check on your mule, who's been acting funny."

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/hwyw-ep-2-the-taste-of-christmas-morning-rattlesnakes-robert-zemeckis-s-regrets-jesse-murray-s-fave-nyc-movies-of-the-80s-anthony-atamanuik-on-real-housewives Episode 2] "I watched two Stanley Kubrick movies in a row, which is not ... that's me in a bad place."

[http://howwasyourweek.libsyn.com/hwyw-ep-2-the-taste-of-christmas-morning-rattlesnakes-robert-zemeckis-s-regrets-jesse-murray-s-fave-nyc-movies-of-the-80s-anthony-atamanuik-on-real-housewives Episode 2] "I think Bill Maher and Anthony Bourdain should have an asshole-off."

2013-10-04T18:49:00Z

173.161.97.149:

Differences between Spoony and Dee Dee Ramone

2013-10-04T18:48:46Z

173.161.97.149:

2013-10-04T18:04:14Z

173.161.97.149:

Companion cat to [[Wikipedia:Julie Klausner | Julie Klausner ]] who is often referenced on the How Was Your Week? podcast.

Jimmy is a male cat (apparently neutered) who wears a tuxedo "all of the Goddamn time" due to his being a [[Wikipedia : tuxedo cat | tuxedo cat]]. Despite his apparent sterility, Jimmy has been described as "well endowed" by a medical professional. Julie enjoys singing a variety of songs to Jimmy, who is often (always) disinterested.[http://jezebel.com/5964664/five-songs-i-sing-to-my-cat]

Jimmy recently announced he prefers to be known as "Josh". UPDATE: Jimmy no longer wishes to be known as "Josh" and now prefers the more punk rock "Jonny". Julie refuses to acknowledge him by this moniker, hoping his desire is simply a phase.

[[File:jimmy1.png]][[File:jimmy2.png]][[File:jimmy3.png]]

== Hobbies ==
Pushing objects off of ledges;

Watching construction workers, whom he believes are responsible for making [[Wikipedia : birds | birds]];

Hoarding toy [[meece]] under the couch [http://distilleryimage2.s3.amazonaws.com/ab21c856b58e11e29a2a22000a1fb02b_7.jpg];

Posing for pictures [http://distilleryimage4.s3.amazonaws.com/3d3dec3c82eb11e2a7d422000a9e0846_7.jpg];

Being a [[Mushy]] Man [http://distilleryimage8.s3.amazonaws.com/46d21384da9511e291ae22000ae9112d_7.jpg];

Planning his Bar Mitzvah; and

Breaking glasses with Auntie Renata.

2013-10-03T19:26:31Z

173.161.97.149: /* Gnats */

== Pauley Perrette ==
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:PauleyPerretteHWOFOct2012.jpg] Pauley Perrette
AKA "World's Oldest Goth"
Perrette became an official enemy of the show after antagonizing Julie and marring an otherwise delightful dog awards show in the process. Julie was working the event as a red carpet correspondent and asked Perrette whether or not she was intoxicated and if she planned to steal a dog from the event by smuggling it in her dress. Perrette took umbrage at the questions and attempted to eject Julie from the event. Every few weeks, Julie offers new ruminations on this bizarre encounter and mocks Perrette from afar, inspired largely by interviews the actress has given and her tweets. She was once married to one "Coyote Shivers".

== Gnats ==
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gnat] Also known as "Guh-Nats", these horrible insects are often found in boxes of soup, which are not to be kept in your kitchen.

== Patti Stanger ==
[http://en.wikipwikiPatti_Stanger] "Patti Stang-air", otherwise known as the Millionaire Matchmonster, is a garbage person made out of snakes. Ostensibly a matchmaker for hire, Stanger harbors an irrational aversion to red and curly hair when not writing a garbage blog-column for People Magazine ('Bag of Snakes').

Julie has deemed this yenta "bad for the Jews".

== Mario Lopez ==
An anti-circumcision zealot whose bizarrely predictable descents into binge-eating can be tracked on Twitt-air.

== Jenny McCarthy ==
A delusional individual who uses her platform and wildly baseless anti-vaccination beliefs to murder children.[http://www.jennymccarthybodycount.com/Anti-Vaccine_Body_Count/Home.html]

== Anthony Bourdain ==
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anthony_Bourdain] A pretentious boomer, faux-edgy television chef and total asshole. His "No Reservations" theme song may potentially be sung by a horse.

Bourdain's second wife, Ottavia, posts scholarly, deep things on the internet. Julie once referred to her on Twitt-air as "competitively dumb / shallow / famous for no reason" in response to a photo of Ottavia's abs and "The situation ain't got nothing on me" reference. Ottavia responded with an ancient, wise proverb: "If you don't like the smell of my shit get your nose out of my asshole."

== Neil LaBute ==
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neil_Labute] A fat man / 'playwright' who hates women and occasionally writes online comments in response to reviews of his own plays. Strong anti-LaBute feelings are expressed in [[Episode 119]].

== Sting and Trudi Styler ==
A Doomsday obsessed, potentially Raelian couple comprised of a man formerly named 'Gordon' and woman known for taking over the backs of Kashi cereal boxes. It has been concluded they fuck way, way too much.

== Snakes & Liz-airds ==
Do not send pictures of your snakes and lizards listening to the podcast or reading Julie's books, as "it will ruin [Julie's] life."

== Citi Bikes ==
These Hot Wheels-like bicycles ruin the view while waiting in line for Sunday brunch and make Julie mad enough to throw an orange. They are believed to be the only enemy of the show Julie has straddled.

Enemies of the Show

2013-10-03T19:25:42Z

173.161.97.149: /* Patti Stanger */

== Pauley Perrette ==
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:PauleyPerretteHWOFOct2012.jpg] Pauley Perrette
AKA "World's Oldest Goth"
Perrette became an official enemy of the show after antagonizing Julie and marring an otherwise delightful dog awards show in the process. Julie was working the event as a red carpet correspondent and asked Perrette whether or not she was intoxicated and if she planned to steal a dog from the event by smuggling it in her dress. Perrette took umbrage at the questions and attempted to eject Julie from the event. Every few weeks, Julie offers new ruminations on this bizarre encounter and mocks Perrette from afar, inspired largely by interviews the actress has given and her tweets. She was once married to one "Coyote Shivers".

== Gnats ==
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gnat] Gnats AKA "Guh-Nats". Often found in boxes of soup, which are not to be kept in your kitchen.

== Patti Stanger ==
[http://en.wikipwikiPatti_Stanger] "Patti Stang-air", otherwise known as the Millionaire Matchmonster, is a garbage person made out of snakes. Ostensibly a matchmaker for hire, Stanger harbors an irrational aversion to red and curly hair when not writing a garbage blog-column for People Magazine ('Bag of Snakes').

Julie has deemed this yenta "bad for the Jews".

== Mario Lopez ==
An anti-circumcision zealot whose bizarrely predictable descents into binge-eating can be tracked on Twitt-air.

== Jenny McCarthy ==
A delusional individual who uses her platform and wildly baseless anti-vaccination beliefs to murder children.[http://www.jennymccarthybodycount.com/Anti-Vaccine_Body_Count/Home.html]

== Anthony Bourdain ==
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anthony_Bourdain] A pretentious boomer, faux-edgy television chef and total asshole. His "No Reservations" theme song may potentially be sung by a horse.

Bourdain's second wife, Ottavia, posts scholarly, deep things on the internet. Julie once referred to her on Twitt-air as "competitively dumb / shallow / famous for no reason" in response to a photo of Ottavia's abs and "The situation ain't got nothing on me" reference. Ottavia responded with an ancient, wise proverb: "If you don't like the smell of my shit get your nose out of my asshole."

== Neil LaBute ==
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neil_Labute] A fat man / 'playwright' who hates women and occasionally writes online comments in response to reviews of his own plays. Strong anti-LaBute feelings are expressed in [[Episode 119]].

== Sting and Trudi Styler ==
A Doomsday obsessed, potentially Raelian couple comprised of a man formerly named 'Gordon' and woman known for taking over the backs of Kashi cereal boxes. It has been concluded they fuck way, way too much.

== Snakes & Liz-airds ==
Do not send pictures of your snakes and lizards listening to the podcast or reading Julie's books, as "it will ruin [Julie's] life."

== Citi Bikes ==
These Hot Wheels-like bicycles ruin the view while waiting in line for Sunday brunch and make Julie mad enough to throw an orange. They are believed to be the only enemy of the show Julie has straddled.